right intentions, wrong outcome
by blahblahblahwriting
Summary: Marina comes back, kinda sorta, and Julia deals with the overwhelming realization of her feelings towards the girl. And, of course, Kady is there, too.


"Thanks." Kady finally muttered, still refusing to tear her gaze from the wooden floors.

Julia knew this wouldn't be much coming from most people, but with Kady, this was everything. She was unsure of how her idea would be received by the curly haired girl, but when she saw the frown leave her face for a fraction of a second, she knew it was justified. Julia had been wanting to attempt the spell Quentin had described to her, but not for the reason of spending extra time with a lost loved one. Julia simply wanted to know who the universe had decided was her 'loved one' in the first place. She never intended her first trial of this ludicrous casting to be for someone else. However, after seeing Kady's heart break right in front of her, she decided she would try anything to let her friend see Penny again. And she succeeded.

Julia granted Kady a small smirk and a nod in response; neither of which Kady managed to see.

A few moments later, a hoarse voice retorted, "Your turn."

Julia shot her a questioning glare and explained that the reciprocation was totally unnecessary. Kady insisted. Part of her broken being was mildly curious who was ever worthy of Julia's love, anyway.

—-

Julia opened her eyes as a slender silhouette emerged from the steam.

Chestnut hair, sparkling blue eyes, bright lips.

"Oh god."

"What is it?" Kady began to search for a spot in the mirror that had avoided being overtaken by shower fumes. As she grabbed a nearby towel to fight for a clear image, Julia quickly spun her around and planted her lips on hers.

Kady hesitated, then kissed Julia back. The thought had yet to cross her mind that she might actually be jealous of the being who she now, sort of, inhabited. Who the _hell_ was Julia this desperate to kiss just once more?

When Julia finally pulled away, the mirror was clear as day. Though she no longer cared much whether Kady looked or not, she was oddly relieved when the curly haired curl chose not to and strut out of the bathroom to enter Julia's bedroom. And then it hit her. The one who had captured Julia's heart, the universe decided, was the one who she'd never seen coming. As she took in the graceful woman in front of her, she had a heartbreaking revelation.

 _Why the fuck did I want to do this?_

As Kady, who presently looked quite a bit more like Marina, sat on the bed, apparently struggling to know how to act in this situation, Julia remained at the bathroom door, those three delicate syllables replaying in her ear so melodically.

"You don't have to tell me, Jules." Kady murmured, obviously uncomfortable. Julia didn't care. What Julia cared about was the fact that this girl she was staring in the face was truly six feet under. This girl who sat in front of her had been ripped from this world by the same beast who had ruined her own life months before. And here came the anger.

Julia stormed from the bedroom and couldn't contain her rampage. Anything in her path was quickly flung from its place on shelves, tables, and countertops. Both her magic and her fists were enacted and nothing could stop Julia's wrath. Her apartment had quickly been demolished, only a few photos and papers surviving.

When she made her way to the front door, Julia found her back resting against the cold wood and slowly slid to the floor. Tears rushed down her face and all she could see were the blurry outlines of her newly moved furniture.

Kady remained seated, peering through the bedroom door. When she saw Julia on the ground, she quickly moved to the shaken girl. Kady grabbed her and held her as she cried. This was terrain the rigid girl was not completely acquainted with, but she knew it was needed.

As Julia bawled and Kady stroked her head, the two both found their thoughts leaving them.

Minutes later, as Julia creeped out of her glum daze, she finally spoke up. "Marina".

Julia didn't know what the reason was behind Kady's silent response. Maybe Kady remembered the devilish girl who repeatedly threatened her mom's life in exchange for stolen Breakbills material. Maybe Kady remembered Julia's vague stories about a hedge witch who saved her life time and time again. Maybe she was picturing the moment the two of them brought this she-demon back to life. Maybe Kady was putting the pieces together and did not like how they were adjoining.

Or maybe Kady couldn't here her mumbling.

"You are Marina, Kady." Julia somehow managed to say again, a bit louder this time.

"I heard you the first time," Kady replied, though not angrily, as Julia had expected. "I didn't know it was like that. Between you two, I mean."

"It . . . wasn't. I mean, not exactly. There was something, you know?" Julia was just as confused as her beaten down counterpart.

"So what do we do now?" Kady voiced.

Julia was now bewildered. How in the hell was she supposed to know? They had already kissed in the bathroom and she had no desire to relive that level of awkwardness. She wanted to talk to her; to Marina. She wanted to be alone with the girl she didn't even allow herself to realize she missed. And she had no idea how to tell Kady this. She knew if she did, Kady would be distraught. Kady always aspires to fix every one of Julia's problems. She doesn't seem to understand the fact that some of her problems are much too complex to absolve.

"Jules? Lost in your head?"

Kady's use of her longtime nickname elicited Julia's first glimpse of happiness of the night.

"I don't know how to tell you this, Kady. I don't want to make you upset." Kady rested a hand on Julia's shoulder, and with no need for verbal assurance, Julia knew Kady meant to continue her explanation. "It's just . . .," Julia paused. "I miss her. I miss her like hell and it took the universe shoving her face right in front of me for me to even realize it. And I hate myself for that. And I hate myself for wanting to do this stupid spell and expecting not to get hurt."

Kady waited patiently, knowing Julia's emotional rant was yet to be completed.

"And I . . . I just want to speak to her. But, _her,_ her, you know? Talking to you is great and all, Kady; I mean, you are my best bitch. But I miss her personality more than anything. I miss her sassy comebacks and refusal to back down. I miss her challenging me and pretending to hate me when we both knew how ridiculous it was. I just miss her. And I don' t just miss looking at her; okay, well I kind of do, but mostly I miss our conversations and the feeling I got being around her. And now . . . it's just not the same. At all. And looking at her . . . or . . . you . . . is just making me more sad; no, angry; no, sad."

Kady sat still, now looking at the planks of wood below her.

"And I know that's a shit thing to say because you just watched Penny die and I talked you into doing this spell and you always want me to be happy and it is entirely my fault that everything, and I mean everything, in both of our lives, is going wrong. So I am sorry, Kady. I'm sorry I couldn't kill Reynard and I'm sorry you still see his face in your dreams and I'm sorry I let myself lose my shade and I am sorry that I am too screwed up to ever be what you need me to be."

By this point, all attempts at controlling the sea escaping her eyes had been stopped. Julia was bawling and sputtering words which were making less sense by the second. And all Kady could manage to do was rub circles into her back.

When Julia's cries began to subside, Kady once again found her voice. Only, this time, Kady was Kady, once again.

"Julia, you kill me. And not at all because of your inability to provide a stable friendship. You kill me because of how hard you are on yourself. Jules, you are perfect. Please stop looking for every flaw you can possibly find within yourself. And for God's sake, stop whining." Kady's smirk only grew as she voiced this subtle dig at her friend.

Julia looked up for the first time in what seemed like hours. She was surprised to find herself looking in green eyes rather than blue ones. She felt what could only be described as relief.

"She's gone."

"I'm sorry."

"You're you again."

"I'm sorry."

"It's not something to apologize for." Julia offered her a melancholic, but true, grin, and Kady internally gleamed at the idea that _her_ Julia was back for the time being.


End file.
